While in the line to check into my flight back to California this morning, I overheard a woman tell a friend that she planned to wear a surgical mask on the plane to protect against swine flu. Keep in mind, I’m in Orlando – not Tijuana or Mexico City.

It was another symptom of American media-fed swine flu hysteria, a disease which is far worse than the illness itself. Other symptoms include an obsession with the SacBee.com flu map, a desire to turn off the lights and watch CNN for days and an urge to throw out your bacon. (Note: I am happy to accept any bacon you’d otherwise throw out due to swine flu fears.)

If you’re already in the throes of American media-fed swine flu hysteria, you need to know that there are three easy steps you can take to fight it:

1. Follow Chuck D.’s advice – don’t believe the hype. Despite the flood of media coverage, the chance that you will wither and die from swine flu is slim to none. This is because, when you do some independent research, you’ll realize that swine flu isn’t any more dangerous that regular flu. If you’re feeling fluish, just visit your doctor, take a few days off from work and have some chicken soup.

2. Read this morning’s story on Newsweek.com about the chances of a serious swine flu outbreak in the U.S.

3. Turn off CNN and watch the SARS episode of “South Park” repeatedly until you feel your symptoms begin to subside.

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